Note: This post is both word and picture heavy. I've had a lot on my heart though. Thanks for allowing me to share.
***
Many times lately when I have gone to edit photos for a post or to put words across the screen, something stops me. As you may have noticed, my blogging has been inconsistent over the last several months. Sure, I've hosted the weekly link party, posted verses on Sunday, and sprinkled in a few reviews.
It's been hard to get back into a groove though.
Family, my kids, crafts, D.I.Y. projects, recipes, parties, happy moments, my life...
Those were the things that previously showed up on a regular basis in my little corner of this great big virtual world.
Snippets and snapshots of my life...
For me this blog has been a way to chronicle life...
A way to share the things I love...
Lately things have felt different though...
It seems that many nights I just end up piddling at the computer as I try to put at least one post together out the dozens of pictures, projects, and ideas I have. Things just haven't come together, so the "Publish" button has often been neglected...
***
Many times lately when I have gone to edit photos for a post or to put words across the screen, something stops me. As you may have noticed, my blogging has been inconsistent over the last several months. Sure, I've hosted the weekly link party, posted verses on Sunday, and sprinkled in a few reviews.
It's been hard to get back into a groove though.
Family, my kids, crafts, D.I.Y. projects, recipes, parties, happy moments, my life...
Those were the things that previously showed up on a regular basis in my little corner of this great big virtual world.
Snippets and snapshots of my life...
For me this blog has been a way to chronicle life...
A way to share the things I love...
Lately things have felt different though...
It seems that many nights I just end up piddling at the computer as I try to put at least one post together out the dozens of pictures, projects, and ideas I have. Things just haven't come together, so the "Publish" button has often been neglected...
Writer's block? No, I don't think that's it. I keep asking myself...
Why can I not complete the posts I have planned? What's my deal? Where has my motivation gone?
Perhaps it is more from redefining "the life" that's behind this blog than a lack of motivation though. I'm finding my way down an unfamiliar path.
The last few years have meant a lot of changes for my family and me.
Good and bad; happy and sad...
Marriage, babies, miscarriages, celebrations, deaths, job changes...
Then the biggest change of all came over a year ago when my daddy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That became the divide...
There was before daddy got sick and after we lost him. The in between was a heart wrenching time that I try not to relive.
This month marked one year of being without him...
One year of being without someone I have relied on for help, love, and guidance my entire life.
The things that my family has gone through have changed us in indescribable ways.
It has especially affected our sweet mother. Daddy's death meant the loss of her companion--the love of her life--much sooner than anyone could have expected. Our hearts continue to break for her. I spend many of my evenings at her house with at least one, if not all, of the kids. My time there isn't out of any kind of obligation; rather it is because I love spending time with her. We are her family and families should be there for each other even in the darkest of times.
We have all tried to find a new "normal" and put the pieces back together. It's been challenging though because I feel so different after having gone through what we faced as a family. I often feel disconnected from the world and from the people I once shared a closeness with. NOTHING is the same...
My thoughts are often in a much different place...
I see the world differently...
I want to embrace every single moment!
I want to soak it all in, but there is a sadness that often holds me back.
It's hard to put into words how I feel. Those who understand have unfortunately walked this road themselves.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:21-22
I woke up the other morning with a resolve to delight in all of the little things--the tiny blessings I often look past. I sometimes find myself taking mental snapshots of the things I'm grateful for and reveling in them, but on this morning I decided to write a few of them down...
*The first inkling of light coming through the window
*Bare feet on the cold wooden floors
*The sounds of children filling the house
*Sharing snuggles and smiles
*Sweet smelling candles
*Little hands helping in the kitchen
*Butter sliding and sizzling along the skillet
*Steam rising from a hot cup of tea
*"Masterpieces" hanging on the refrigerator
*The view of the changing leaves from the back windows
*The bubbly warmth of a bath
*Kissing newly washed little heads
These were the things that I was missing in a sense while being a work from home momma. I wasn't taking the time didn't have the time to stop and appreciate them. I'll spare you the details of the job and all that lead me to resign, but it's safe to say that changes were made that no longer made it a viable option for someone who wanted to work from home while caring for children. I fear for that virtual school's future because of those changes. I can't fix what I can't control though. I had to make the choice that was going to be best for my family. That choice was to leave the job and finally take the plunge into being a stay at home mommy. I feel at peace now. I feel happier. I know my children are happier too. I can put my full attention and focus on them which is what my heart longed for because they are my greatest gift! I can stop to appreciate the beautiful moments that fill each day!
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 2:23
As I was writing down the little blessings that were filling my morning, I was reminded of a book I read awhile back--One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.
The tribulations of her life lead her to a place of despair and doubt.
Her thankfulness for the good things that life holds--the simple blessings and gifts--brought her to a place of gratefulness and peace.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
Being thankful for the little things,
Living each moment to the fullest,
Never taking the ones I love for granted,
Delighting in the Lord and the blessings he brings--
Even when my heart is heavy...
Those are things that loosing daddy so suddenly taught me.
I want to live a life of happiness!
I want to take the time to stop and appreciate things like...
*The wave of my daughter's hair
*The feel of Eli running into my arms
*Caleb sweetly smiling up at me
*Giggles from my children
*The enthusiasm they have for life
*Their innocence, curiosity, and eagerness
I want to capture it all!
So excuse me for just a moment if I travel back through the last several months and capture some of those moments...
Happy moments!
Perhaps it is more from redefining "the life" that's behind this blog than a lack of motivation though. I'm finding my way down an unfamiliar path.
The last few years have meant a lot of changes for my family and me.
Good and bad; happy and sad...
Marriage, babies, miscarriages, celebrations, deaths, job changes...
Then the biggest change of all came over a year ago when my daddy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That became the divide...
There was before daddy got sick and after we lost him. The in between was a heart wrenching time that I try not to relive.
This month marked one year of being without him...
One year of being without someone I have relied on for help, love, and guidance my entire life.
The things that my family has gone through have changed us in indescribable ways.
It has especially affected our sweet mother. Daddy's death meant the loss of her companion--the love of her life--much sooner than anyone could have expected. Our hearts continue to break for her. I spend many of my evenings at her house with at least one, if not all, of the kids. My time there isn't out of any kind of obligation; rather it is because I love spending time with her. We are her family and families should be there for each other even in the darkest of times.
We have all tried to find a new "normal" and put the pieces back together. It's been challenging though because I feel so different after having gone through what we faced as a family. I often feel disconnected from the world and from the people I once shared a closeness with. NOTHING is the same...
My thoughts are often in a much different place...
I see the world differently...
I want to embrace every single moment!
I want to soak it all in, but there is a sadness that often holds me back.
It's hard to put into words how I feel. Those who understand have unfortunately walked this road themselves.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:21-22
I woke up the other morning with a resolve to delight in all of the little things--the tiny blessings I often look past. I sometimes find myself taking mental snapshots of the things I'm grateful for and reveling in them, but on this morning I decided to write a few of them down...
*The first inkling of light coming through the window
*Bare feet on the cold wooden floors
*The sounds of children filling the house
*Sharing snuggles and smiles
*Sweet smelling candles
*Little hands helping in the kitchen
*Butter sliding and sizzling along the skillet
*Steam rising from a hot cup of tea
*"Masterpieces" hanging on the refrigerator
*The view of the changing leaves from the back windows
*The bubbly warmth of a bath
*Kissing newly washed little heads
These were the things that I was missing in a sense while being a work from home momma. I
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 2:23
As I was writing down the little blessings that were filling my morning, I was reminded of a book I read awhile back--One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.
The tribulations of her life lead her to a place of despair and doubt.
Her thankfulness for the good things that life holds--the simple blessings and gifts--brought her to a place of gratefulness and peace.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
Being thankful for the little things,
Living each moment to the fullest,
Never taking the ones I love for granted,
Delighting in the Lord and the blessings he brings--
Even when my heart is heavy...
Those are things that loosing daddy so suddenly taught me.
I want to live a life of happiness!
I want to take the time to stop and appreciate things like...
*The wave of my daughter's hair
*The feel of Eli running into my arms
*Caleb sweetly smiling up at me
*Giggles from my children
*The enthusiasm they have for life
*Their innocence, curiosity, and eagerness
I want to capture it all!
So excuse me for just a moment if I travel back through the last several months and capture some of those moments...
Your pictures are the sweetest! ~Essie
ReplyDeleteThanks, Essie!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my father too after years of being an alcoholic destroyed not only his health but every relationship and life he touched. It consumed him and lost everything. He died alone. Grief can consume us and rob us of our daily lives. This is something I learned the hard way. I grieved and was consumed with unresolved emotions and riddle with guilt. I spent 9 months walking through life just going through the motions. I lost precious time with my children and husband because even though I was present physically I was absent emotionally. I finally went to a grief councilor and as a result I got my life back and my family. The pain of losing someone you love can consume your entire being but God, the people who we have lost, and all of those they left behind still need us and want us to LIVE and be HAPPY. I have made my peace and I have acknowledged my feelings and accepted them for what they are. It is ok to be sad, angry, to miss them, or not to miss them...just as long as we remember not to let those feelings rob us from our present. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story with me, Robyn. I, too, am sorry for your loss. I am glad you have found peace and happiness again though. Isn't God wonderful...even in the darkest times he is right there with a peace that passes all understanding.
ReplyDelete