Big Choices Come With Even Bigger Changes

Do you remember last Sunday when I told you that I had been dealing with a BIG decision?  Well, the choice has now been made.  It was a choice that so many mommas before me have been faced with.  Maybe even you can personally relate to it.  It has been the choice between continuing to be a working mommy or quitting my job to become a stay at home mommy.

I have been praying for three years--since Lydia Grace was born--for God to open doors that would allow me to stay home with my children. Now I know that being a SAHM is not for everyone. There has long been an ongoing rivalry between stay at home and working moms. I'm not here to debate that one way is better than the other because it isn't. Each family must decide what is right for them. Period.  For our family, having me stay home with the kids is what has felt right.  I've struggled emotionally for years with leaving my kids to go to work.  Lydia Grace has had her share of struggles too.  In the past 3 years she has been with five different sitters due to the instability often associated with using in-home care options instead of using commercial daycares which we could never bring ourselves to do. We are losing yet another sitter at the end of this school year because she has decided to pursue a teaching job which we are truly praying God will bless her with.  Even with all the valid reasons (many that I haven't even addressed) for staying home, the hurdle that has stood in our way has been one of security and, of course, finances. I believe in a God who listens to our prayers and honors the deepest desires of our hearts though. He is bigger than any hurdle, and for awhile now God has been opening doors and making a way for me to stay with the kids. It hasn't been the way that I had envisioned, but it has been perfect because it has been God's way. It hasn't been in my timing, but it has been in God's timing making it the perfect time. I love my job as an elementary school teacher. There is no other job other than being a mom that I could see myself doing.  I know that teaching is the path that God laid before me years ago, but right now I feel God leading me down a different path. It is one that will probably lead me to teach in a classroom again someday, but this path involves taking a detour and staying home with the kids for a season of time. I have a few other precious children who will be joining us as I go from teaching 4th graders to running a small preschool from my home.

Yes, you read correctly.  I will finally be staying home with my kids!  Decision made!  I officially turned in my resignation on Monday.  My last day at work will be May 25.  

This has truly not been an easy choice to make and in fact many tears have been shed this past week as I broke the news to my closest colleagues and began packing up my classroom.  To be as transparent with you as possible, I have to confess that there have even been moments this past week where I have doubted my decision.

It was teacher appreciation week and the outpouring of love from my students was amazing!  It reminded me why I do this job--for the children that I have been blessed to teach!

Doubts...

One of the teachers who I've taught with for years cried and begged me not to do this.  She has been quite upset because her, another teacher who has also resigned, and I have been together in the same grade level for the past six years.  She will now be without either one of us.

More doubts...

Boxing up six years of wonderful memories as a teacher in this classroom...

has been extremely emotional.  

Even more doubts...

Saying goodbye to one of the most amazing schools I've ever seen with an even more amazing staff has been more difficult than I imagined.  

And the doubts just kept on coming...

Continuing to teach felt safe...secure...

I was in my comfort zone, but despite any doubts, I've felt God drawing me out of that security and leading me to take a step of faith.  I'm done with doubts.  I've made my choice, and I am confidently moving on to all of the wonderful blessings that God has in store for me which are so much better than anything I could ever fathom.  There have been a lot of frustrating changes to my school, the system, and even the state as far as education is concerned this year.  Those changes did in fact make it much easier to step out and make yet another huge change--one of my own choosing--the change from being a working mom to being a stay at home mom.

Oh, what a blessing it will be to have this precious time with my sweet babies.
Teaching will always be there...
However, babies grow up fast.

I feel both challenged and excited about this new chapter of my life!
And I have no doubts about having the opportunity to invest more time in my greatest treasure--my family!